I am fighting an inward battle. This battle is not near as serious as one who might be fighting off a deadly disease or illness, but it takes it’s toll nonetheless.
See, I have a choice to make within the next couple days, if not sooner, as to whether or not to send my twin boys back to our church preschool. I have nothing but praise for the school, so it is not anything like that. It’s just that, well, my boys are only 3 years old. And I’m worried. Worried about phonics. Yes, you read that correct, phonics.
See, the first 3 kiddos went to public school and their teachers taught them how to start reading. When Liz started out in homeschool though, her reading skills left much to be desired. So I had to start with 1st grade phonics and can I be brutally honest? I h-a-t-e-d teaching phonics. Too many rules and dipthongs and all that. Yuck. I think getting my teeth pulled might be less painful. Now, she is reading, albeit probably not at the level of some of her peers, but it’s still reading! There are so many questions swimming around in my cranium right now, let me let you peek inside:
What if I am missing out on something really special by not keeping them home next year?
They are only 3 once. And 4 too. This time is so precious. I am capable of teaching them phonics, but two of them? Am I cut out for that? I don’t know that I did that great of a job with Liz, and I don’t want my kids to suffer because of my teaching skills, or lack thereof. I think it’s kind of contradictory for me to pay tuition for a preschool when I am a stay-at-homeschool mom, but money is not really the issue. These are my children to raise and to teach and love, and by golly if Michelle Duggar can do it with 19 kids, then why can’t I? It is so much easier to go to appointments, the library, out to breakfast-when they are in school. Is this Satan putting doubts in my head, either way, or am I slowly losing it? This is after all, preschool.
I might need someone to come over here and splash some cold water in my face. I have vacillated on this decision for a while now and we are really down to the wire here. I’ve been praying and seeking wisdom but am still unsure. I don’t think this is supposed to be this difficult.
So why am I at war, with myself?