Cape Disappointment.


The secretary showed us into the meeting room at the lawyer’s office today. It was a room filled with shelves and shelves of old law books and such. We were told to take a seat and wait on the legal secretary to join us. The table we sat at was a large wooden table with a glass top. Underneath the glass top was a map of the Americas, North and South. I suppose it is there to distract from all the yucky legal proceedings and happenings that might take place in that room. I’ll come back to the table in a minute.

There have been 2 situations in my lifetime so far that have hurt my heart very deeply. As of today there are now 3.

The legal secretary came in and gave us the documents that needed to be read and looked over for errors. There was a wrong address so we sent it back with her to fix. And then we waited. And waited. All the while memories and happier times replaying over and over in our heads. The birth of the first son, and 11 months later the next; same birth weights, same dark hair and eyes, same birth month. Just like their mom and aunt-born 11 months apart, same birth weights, same dark hair, and almost the same birth month. The preemie boy number three who, born at just 3 pounds, is a little trooper. The planning of a mom’s first baby shower. The excitement of a new sonogram picture. Playing with cousins.

I hear some sniffling and see the wiping of eyes. I am holding it together. I feel like I must or this may not go as planned.

Finally the secretary came back in with two witnesses. She asked my sister if she had any questions and my sister said she didn’t. The tears are falling from her face. My mother is quietly crying across from her. I was fine until my sister begins to sign the papers. The dam breaks and I can’t hold it in any longer. The gift of motherhood slipped away in that very moment and all I could do was sit there and cry. Motherhood is a gift, and if I didn’t know it before I sure do now.

Back to the table.

In the time while we were waiting for the secretary to fix the error on the documents, I perused the map. There right in front of me was a tiny island off the Eastern Coast of South America called Cape Disappointment. I kid you not. Go look it up. Irony, oh how you slay me.

I am currently a tourist on the Island of Cape Disappointment. There are so many disappointments, hurts, worries, fears, and concerns, so I may be on this island for awhile. I don’t plan to make it my home, but it may take longer than a “3 Hour Tour.”

Pray for my family, please. I know the Lord has a perfect plan and I am trusting in Him to bring it to pass, but I am exhausted in so many ways. I must not “Grow weary in well doing.” I’m holding on.

Holding On by Jamie Grace:

About froggermom

I am a sahm mom of 5 children. I have been married to Jeremy for 10 years and it keeps getting better! I love the Lord and He loves me. I am going to start homeschooling my kids in the Fall and look forward to what God has planned for our family in 2008!

4 responses »

  1. I love you Felicia and you are an exceptional woman, mother, wife, sister, daughter & friend. The Lord will get you through this and He will make you stronger through it all. Praying!

  2. Thankful for the important part you have played in these last 10 months. You are such a gift to these boys. Thank you for being Jesus to them! Praying for your family and trusting God has something special planned…for all of them!

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